A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
