I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
