I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
