I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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