he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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