so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
