yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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