I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
