Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
