She's JV to your varsity
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
