remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
