Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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