His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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