she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
