I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
