don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
