I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Found the puke drawer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
