I am puke
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
