I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
