You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
