I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize