The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
