Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
