"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
