Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
