you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
