This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
