I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
