Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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