We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize