Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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