In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
