I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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