I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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