Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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