i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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