Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
