i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
