Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Four minutes until I can fart!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
