Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
