Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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