so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
