so that wasnt chicken after all
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
