weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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