allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
