Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
