Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
