Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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