Umm I'm too high to move.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
