her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
