She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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