are you still at the devil's house?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
