cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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