we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
