I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
