it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
