I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
