sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
