I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
