apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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