somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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