...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
