I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize