You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
