i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
