just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
