I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
