did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
