"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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