margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
