He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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