I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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