Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize