What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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