No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
smell my finger.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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