What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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