I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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