If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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