a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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