Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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