tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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