one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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