You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
